Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
