glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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