Whod you bang
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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