party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
