I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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