btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
