I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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