I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
