I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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