Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
