Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
