just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
