I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
