i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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