OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
