$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
