well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
