____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
