Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
