If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
