I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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