So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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