There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
