i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
