So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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