the condom got lost in my hair
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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