like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
