FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
