I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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