Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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