im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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