The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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