Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
