how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
