bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
