the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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