Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
