A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My ass is underappreciated
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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