exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
