sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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