It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
