He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
