He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
