U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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