pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sext me about skeletons
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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