I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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