He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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