My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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