he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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