What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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