i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
