I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you didnt know i had herpes?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
