So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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