I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
