You work out of a Hotel?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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