glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
