Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
