i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
