He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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