if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
