she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
