He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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