Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
