God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
