I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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