Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think I won the penis lottery.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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