he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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