the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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