Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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