when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
