: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
