Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
